From: Margaret McClintock Snyder <esnyder@leland.Stanford.EDU>

GUIDING LIGHT TOO BAD IT'S MONDAY
 (OR TUESDAY) UPDATE FOR 8/26/96
               0R
DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD
     DAY IN SPRINGFIELD USA

Ye Olde Updater was tempted to refuse to update
this mess of a show, but with today's announcement
of the firing of McT let's hope that today is
the ending of a bad era, and that our Light
will begin to shine brightly again in the 
near future. One down, and one to go!
  
TBIMOT HIGH (OR LOW) LIGHTS:
LAME finds what they've lost on the beach
HART is shocked to find out what DI has 
  in store for dear old DAD
ROG leads an uprising in Bedlam
VAN and ZACK discuss the meaning of life,
  while MATT stews 
BILL and MATT put their feelings aside 
  at DINAH'S urgings and plan a gourmet
  feast for VANESSA

Let the Show Begin

LAME ON THE BEACH:
Lucy is upset that a skiff has gotten away
from them. AM promises that he will never
let Lucy drift away.

DIRT AT THE BOARDINGHOUSE:
Hart asks Di to call off the shock treatment.
Bridget is sitting on the steps eavesdropping.
Di thinks Rog deserves it since he tried to
kill her today. A suddenly conscience-stricken
Hart can't sanction this since it's his Father.
Di asks him, "What am I to you? Was I wrong to
believe that you love me?"

RESTRAINED ROG IN MIDLAND HILLS:
Rog is in restraints, with a tube stuck in his
mouth. Dr. Dobson lifts her hand (we see it in
slo-mo) ready to flip the lever on the portable
zapper machine. Rog spits the tube out, and begs
the doctor to reconsider. Dr. D. tells Rog he has
nothing to fear but fear itself.

MATT AND BILL AT THE CHAMBERLAIN HOME:
We zoom in on the dropped envelope
containing Van's test results. Matt is calling
someone, but hangs up when the door slams,
hoping it is Vanessa. It is Bill and they
start fighting again.

VAN UNCONSCIOUS ON THE BEACH:
Van is out of it, lying by her car. She is touched
by Bracelet Man, aka as Zack. She wakes and sees
the white-garbed Zack looming over her. She asks
him if she is dead.

TWIRL LIGHTHOUSE

I'M NOT LOST:
Zack wonders why Van thinks she is dead. Because
he looks so ... Zack helps her stand up. She wonders
what he is doing there. He says he is finding her,
but Van says she isn't lost. She sees that several
hours have gone by. She has not been able to see,
move or feel, and soon she will be like that all the
time. 

BILL AND MATT SPAR ABOUT MANHOOD:
Bill wants to argue with Matt. Matt points out it
doesn't take a man to hit somebody. He wants to
deal with their differences in a manly manner.
Bill isn't interested, and goes upstairs.

HE SURE ACTS INSANE:
Hart doesn't want Di to make this an either/or situation.
Hart thinks this will make them just like Roger. Di
thinks there is no comparison. Roger is evil. Hart is
worried about them zapping the brain of a man who
isn't insane. "He sure acts insane," retorts Dinah. 
Hart thinks it may do permanent damage; Di thinks it
may make him better. Di thinks Hart cares more about Rog
than he does her. Hart says he is thinking of them. If 
they let this happen they can't have a happy future.

FREE HIM:
Rog is panting pitifully as the Dr. reaches for the controls.
She tells the goons to check on the noise outside. Bedlam
insues when the inmates enter chanting "free him."

YOU MUST BE SWELTERING:
AM is worried that life is coming between them. He wants
them to go where love takes them tonight. Lucy unbuttons
his shirt, and he reciprocates. They smooch and go skinny-
dipping.

HE NEEDS HEAVY-DUTY PSYCHIATRIC HELP:
DIRT agrees that they don't want to fight. Di reminds him
of how Rog almost killed her this afternoon. [Isn't it a
little odd that Di would still be wearing the scarf that
Rog stuffed down her throat, and the orange dress with the
ties in the back--the less said about that, the better].
Hart can't let Roger be punished like this. He reminds Di
of her hatred of her Mother; would she let this happen to
her? Di thinks that is totally different. Rog deliberately
tried to hurt them. Hart thinks if this fries his brain it
will be too late to argue the point. Di points out the danger
if Rog leaves the hospital in the same frame of mind he went
in. Di is happy for the first time in her life, and thinks
she deserves happiness. Hart isn't buying it; he will protect
her. Jet drops a ball down the steps and is discovered. Di
rails at the "lying little sneak."

I'LL BE A BUG CAUGHT IN AMBER:
Zack wants to know why Van thinks she's lost her fight. Van
points out it's hard to battle while losing control of her
bodily functions. The progression is happening as the doctors
said it would. Zack wonders how she can be sure. Van tells 
him the incident with Peter, the cake and the knife. She is
now a clear and present danger to her child. Zack insists
that Peter knows how much she loves him. Van is fed up:
"Please don't do that--try and make everything all better.
I'm getting worse quickly and I'm afraid I won't have time
to say good-bye or settle my affairs." Zack tells her she
doesn't know anything for sure. A sarcastic Van tells him 
that she knows that very soon she will be a bug caught in
amber, neither alive or  dead. She hits the side of the car.
It will be ok for Peter, she is just a sometime Mom, but for
"my girl"--she's just beginning to get it together, and her
strong son shouldn't have to go through anything else. Van
is unable to even tell him about her feelings for Matt. 
Saccarine Zack thinks Matt loves her. Van thinks not for long.
He is going to undergo the tortures of the damned, visiting
her hooked up to a machine. It will be grotesque and her 
family will grow to resent her. Zack thinks the love her 
family has for her won't change. Van sensibly asks, "Who are
you to tell me that? You're nothing but a kid." She runs off
with Zack in pursuit.

HALFTIME

NOTHING ABOUT THIS DISEASE IS A GIFT:
Zack is trying to comfort Vanessa. She wishes he could 
have met her Father. She tells him that Henry would not
have wanted her to live in a hellish limbo. He'd tell
her to get out. Van tells Zack to unhand her. Zack thinks
Henry wouldn't let her go. Van says what I've been thinking.
"You know what. I'm really sick and tired of listening to
you. I'm really, really tired of your trying to console me."
Zack says that is the last thing he's trying to do. Van 
thinks it is cheap and easy for him. Nothing Zack says means
a damn thing. Zack doesn't want her to give up [Excuse me, 
but didn't Z. talk to the doctors? What exactly is he talking
about?]. Van tells him that she has only a certain amount of
time to make an important decision and wants to make it while
she can still think. Zack says he doesn't think that is true.
Van repeats she only has a while before she starts to fall
apart unless she decides to end it. Zack tells her that she
doesn't understand how her actions will affect other people.
Van says she thinks she knows her family better, but he 
thinks sometimes letting people help you is a gift to them.
Van thinks that nothing about this disease is a gift and 
nothing Zack says will change that. She walks off. [Somehow
she is back at the car again, and Zack shuts the car door
and follows.]

SO YOU DID EAVESDROP:
Di is hostile to Jet, and even Hart wonders why she left
Petie. Jet says she heard loud voices, and fakes a bad 
limp. Di wonders how Hart can fall for the act. Hart just
wants her to call off the treatments. Jet supports him,
asking if shock treatments aren't a little extreme. Aha,
you did eavesdrop, says Di. Jet says they were yelling,
and it is her house. This seems logical to DuHart. Di
scrams refusing to call Midland Hills. Jet smirks.

SABOTAGE:
Dr. D. is trying to subdue the residents. They are babbling
about their rights. Terry, aka Peter Pan, aka Mrs. Mayor,
tries to loosen Rog's restraints. Rog is egging them on. 
Dr. D. wants to know what Terry and Mr. Rizzo think they
are doing. Sabatoge, says Rizzo, as he wheels the machine
away. Dr. D. threatens all with a bad yearly evaluation. 
Terry undoes Rog's hands. They chant about "holding these
truths to be self-evident." They let Roger go, as the 
doctor continues to lecture them.

STARLIGHT STARBRIGHT:
LAME is smooching big-time. Lucy tells AM it sometimes
scares her how much she feels for him. AM promises that
all will be well. They see a meteor shower. Lucy thinks
it must include every star she ever wished on.

WHAT A QUICK CHANGE SHE MUST HAVE MADE:
Matt is on the phone looking for Van. Bill wonders if
he isn't a man, what does that make Matt? When Matt
gives, he tells him it makes him a leech since if
he was a man, he'd make his own way. Di enters and
tells little brother she doesn't see him contributing
to the family income. [2 scenes ago Di was in the orange
dress with the scarf, but now she is in lime green pants
and a striped sleeveless top--when did she change?]
Bill wonders if he is supposed to drop out of school to
get a full time job. Di tells them she has had enough of
fighting; she came home hoping her family would help her
feel better. Di wonders where Van is--maybe she is in 
a good mood. Matt is upset that Di doesn't know where 
Van is, and fills her in on the situation. Matt hopes
she won't be too late for the gourmet feast he has
planned. Di thinks maybe she should come home more often.
Matt hastens to tell her his idea of gourmet is just
edible. Di wonders if they are invited. Matt says they
are if they will pitch in and help. Di convinces Bill 
that after her hard day, Van would not want to come home
to fighting. Bill agrees, and Matt and Bill repair to
the kitchen, while Di begins tidying the living room.
We see the envelope under the table.

IF I DON'T, WHO DOES?:
Zack agrees that it is easier for him to comfort than for
her to be comforted. She's always been that way. A puzzled
Van [and audience] thinks Zack doesn't even know her. It
won't matter to him whether she lives or dies. Zack says
that isn't true at all. "So you care, get over it," retorts
Van. Zack wonders if her family will get over it. Van says
she thinks they will be devastated and grieve but would be
free to get on with their lives, and not be chained to a 
living corpse. There is no good reason to do that to them.
Santimonious Zack intones "The reason is life. It is precious
and beautiful. You have no right to decide how or when it is
going to end." Van is upset. "If I don't, WHO DOES? It sure
as hell is not you."

DO YOU WANT A PICKLE?:
Hart is trying to call the nuthouse but they are in an
"all hospital meeting." [Does it strike anyone else as
strange that they would do ECT in the middle of the night?
And why are the patients running around rather than zonked
out in their beds?] Jet tries to give Hart a Reardon special
sandwich but he is too distracted. She wants him to stay
healthy for Petie. Jet babbles about Di's sad childhood and
how she feels sorry for her. Di freaks out if you don't agree
with her. Hart thinks she has pulled herself together. Jet
backtracks a bit, but thinks it is on the surface. "Sure on
the outside. Sometime look in her eyes. She is the saddest
soul I've ever seen. Do you want a pickle?"

HE'S TRYING TO ESCAPE:
The Dr. is being held back by Terry and Rizzo. Terry thinks
it reminds her of a Bogart movie. Rizzo guesses--Treasure of
S.M., Beat the Devil, African Queen? No, the one where he's
Rick. They chat about Casablanca while the doctor tries to get
them to unhand her. Rizzo sings the Marseilles while the goons
try to recapture Roger. He lands knockout blows and vamooses,
while the inmates cheer.

LUCY EXPLAINS IT ALL:
Extreme closeup on LAME. Lucy is describing her feelings 
each time they make love. AM wants to freeze the moment
[Sorry AM, you aren't the lucky FF today]. Lucy exclaims,
and we see they have found the skiff. They have found
what they've lost, and "from now on, we're holding on 
tight. Things are treacherous out there." AM confesses
his many imperfections, but wants her to know he'll never
let her drift away.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE:
Van tells Zack he has no right to tell her what she can do
with her life--she is not a child or mentally impaired, yet.
She tries to describe what her life has been like--watching
Bill grow up, Little League games, standing over Petie in
his crib watching him smile up at her, giving Di advice about
the man she loves--she could never describe it all in words.
Zack says he can see it in her eyes. "My life has been wonderful.
By the grace of God I have been a good valuable person and I
don't want to end as a biology project and have my family
watch me." Zack intones that it is not in her hands. Wordlessly,
Van gets in her car and floors it. Zack yells after her.

BOARDINGHOUSE ROCK:
If Hart doesn't want to eat, he should keep up his strength
for Peter. Hart leaves. Jet plaintively asks him if he is going
to see Dinah.

WHERE, OH WHERE CAN SHE BE?:
Bill is vacumning. Di is calling Lewis Oil and the country club.
There is no sign of Vanessa. Matt hopes that she'll be home any
minute.

CUT TO VAN'S CAR:
Van is driving, the speedometer goes from 70 to 80. Van can't
see. We hear cars honking. We see a white shirted figure in
the road. It resolves into Zackary. FF on Van yelling NO.

THAT'S IT FOR TODAY
NO CREDITS






























     *
    /|\
   /-O-\           Margaret Snyder
  /\ | /\          Hoover Institution
 o=======o         Stanford University
  | G L |          Palo Alto, CA
  | u i |          (Hometown of Charles Jay Hammer,
  | i g |           a.k.a Fletcher Reade)
  | d h |
  | i t |          email:msnyder@leland.stanford.edu
  | n   |
  | g   |




