From: Margaret McClintock Snyder <esnyder@leland.Stanford.EDU>

GUIDING LIGHT TOO BAD IT'S MONDAY
 (OR TUESDAY) UPDATE FOR 6/17/96
              0R
   COUPLES IN ANGST ARE SO MUCH FUN
  WHEN IT'S A PETE T. DAY IN S'FIELD

TBIMOT HIGH (OR LOW) LIGHTS:
Stormy seas for VIV when STIFF and GILLY
  uncover her involvement with AS
HAWK'S heart is broken when ALEX tells him 
   they're kaput
Dysfunctional DADDY ALAN is unresponsive to 
   MANDY's groveling
QUINT's back and NOLA pretends to be otherwise
   engaged
ROG accepts the goody-two-shoes award at WSPR
   but is haunted by the ghostly HART
BEVA are foiled in their liability suit but
   with HAWK's help they may move onto blackmail
ROG/DI/HART are dismayed for different reasons

Let the Show Begin

STIFF'S ROOM:
Stiff accuses Viv of being in bed with Alanspaulding, while
Gilly muses on why she was hiding out in the bathroom. Gilly
accuses her of being the woman in the secret affair.

BOARDINGHOUSE:
Quint tells Nola she looks wonderful. She reluctantly lets
him come in. Quint informs her that he's not just visiting,
he's back to stay.

REVABENT:
Hawk is annoyed when the doorbell rings just as his "story" is
coming on. He's delighted to see Queenie and gives her a bear
hug. Hawk says he's been thinking she's avoiding him since every
time he's called at the mansion one of her "serfs told him she's
been indigent." Alex gently corrects him with "indisposed" and tells
him she no longer needs his help with Mandy--she doesn't need
him at all. Hawk thinks folks usually talk like that after they're
hitched. Al informs him that the so-called engagement is off.

SPAULDING MANSION:
Al is kissing Reva and she slaps him (Go REV!) He says he'll fill
in while Buzz is flat on his back and grabs her again. Falling 
for a ploy that a two year old would spot, Buzz jumps up and decks
him.

WSPR:
Rog is accepting the Pierson humanitarian award for broadcasting.
He spots Hart in the crowd and loses his composure. Di has to help
him continue the speech. Rog leaves the podium and runs after Hart
yelling, "Come back son, son..."

Whoosh, whoosh. What's that sound? A malfunctioning Hoover? No,
it's the sleazy intro that MikeyL has promised we won't have to 
hear much longer.
TWIRL LIGHTHOUSE

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION
Rog is still calling for Hart. Di blurts some bs about Rog's great
excitement while the cameraperson follows. There is a extreme
closeup of Di who threatens the guy's job. [Like recent ATWT and
City episodes this camera verite is giving us bird's eye views of
the action. It makes me feel like I'm losing my lunch] Rog is losing
it and a "concerned" Di tells him he must finish the speech. We see
a mystified staff and public looking on. Rog returns to the podium.
Di explains that he thought his son had stopped by. She cues him to
resume at paragraph two. Rog is still preoccupied, so Di fills in.

KISSED BY A HUMAN TONGUE DEPRESSOR
Rev is peeved that Buzz blew it. Alan's ploy was so obvious. Buzz
tells her that she means more to him than all the money in the 
world which greatly pleases Reva. They smooch, and Alan claims
he's going into insulin shock. Al once again claims not to care
about Rev, comparing her to a case of sniffles. Rev says if he cans
his 5th Street plans they will never darken his door again. Al claims
it's business and nothing or no one will come between him and the bottom
line. Amanda enters, wearing a flattering blouse that she must have
sneaked past the wardrobe person, wondering what is going on. Beva
take their leave claiming they will be David to AS's Goliath. They
mention the spy, and Mandy asks Alan if they know about Viv.

I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT'S COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH:
Viv denies any romantic involvement. She tells Gilly she came to
plead with Griff to tell the truth. Griff wonders what she thinks
that is. Viv drags out the pass story once again to Stiff and Gilly's
disbelief. Viv is dismayed that Gilly believes Griffin over her own
mother. Gilly thinks that Viv has done everything to protect her 
investment in AS, Inc. Stiff wants an explanation about the paper
that says she is as involved in the 5th Street takeover as Alan.
Stiff demands to know if she has invested. Viv admits that she is
working for Alanspaulding.

MAYBE MY EARRINGS ARE MALFUNCTIONING:
Nola wonders if she's heard Quint right since sometimes her earrings
act like "satellite dishes." Quint says he's back to stay for the
forseeable future. He claims it's got nothing to do with her--he has
a grant for a Native American dig outside of town. Nola thinks that's
a crock. "Out of all the N.A. digs in this country, you picked my
backyard?" [Does this remind anyone of Casablanca: Out of all the gin
joints in the world, she walked into mine?] She tells him if he expects
her to take him back, forget it.

SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY
Stiff wants to know how Viv could throw in with a man like Alanspaulding.
Viv claims she needed the money, Charles had made several bad investments.
Gilly isn't buying it. Stiff thinks Viv has so many lies going it must
be hard to keep them straight. Gilly tells her that she is ashamed to
be her daughter. Stiff gets Gilly to leave over her protests. Stiff
sums it up: " You gave AS money, then you gave yourself to me--not 
because you cared about me but to protect your investment." Viv has
used him to get the scoop on the coalition. "Who are you, lady? I
thought I'd found a partner, a soulmate and it turns out I've been
sleeping with the enemy."

YOU EITHER LOVE HIM OR YOU HATE HIM:
Di has to finish Rog's speech, "flattering" him by mentioning his love
of family. Rog is flashing back to the death scene as she speaks. This
award underscores Rog's "love of truth, sense of fair play but mostly
his love of people esp. his family." That's why Roger was so distraught
his son Hart couldn't be here. "Rog loves Hart more than his own life.
Come on, honey, and take a bow for all you've done." Rog complies with
a sickly smile. Rog insists that Hart was there wearing that same 
outfit that he was at the Falls. [Did we know before today that Hart
was killed at Laurel Falls? I must have missed it, if so.] Rog remembers
that the ceremony was taped.

HALF-TIME

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE VLAD THE IMPALER ON SPEED:
Rog approaches the camera guys and demands to see the tape. He 
threatens them with their next job being photographing brats at the
mall if they don't hop to and show the unedited tape. Di hisses that
Rog just received the "Mr. Goody-two-shoes award and now you're acting
like Vlad the Impaler on speed." Rog plays the tape and spots Hart.
Di claims that it's Steve Kelly the prop guy. Hart is in a grave at
Laurel Falls. Rog wants to go dig him up AGAIN to make sure. Di beeps
the deceased AGAIN.

DO I DISGUST YOU THAT MUCH?
Alan and Amanda are discussing whether Beva knows if Viv is the spy.
Alan says that "the Mod Squad of 5th Street" were here and caught Viv
and me talking. Viv covered and the "3 stooges" bought it. Mandy tries
to put ice on Alan's cheek but he won't let her, and she wonders if
she disgusts him that much.

FINISHED, KAPUT, OVER:
Alex tells Hawk that they are finished, kaput, over. Hawk has become
obsolete. Hawk says that maybe he's put on a few pounds but he's willing
to diet. "I'd do anything for you, Queenie." Alex reminds him it was 
all a business arrangement--pretend is the operative word. Hawk thinks
it wasn't all pretend. "I liked you Queenie, I liked you fine." Q. tells
him that he always makes her laugh and to take care. Hawk can understand
her lying to him, but to herself... "Friends don't kiss like we've 
kissed." Alex tells him that she doesn't believe he's just an oaf from
Oklahoma. "You're intelligent, intuitive, sweet, very tender." Hawk 
kisses her.

WHAT TRUTH IS IT TODAY, VIVIAN?:
Stiff says that the sight of her used to take his breath away but now
it just makes him sick. He was hoping they'd make it this time but Viv
took his love and set him up. "You're good, baby. First you worm your
ways back into my bed, into my heart. I love you more now than when
we first met. It's payback for my refusing to marry you all those years
ago. Viv protests that she still loves him. Stiff declares that she
has killed his love with her "uptight, image-conscious, social climbing
ways. You sold out for an address on Easy St." Viv claims that her life
has never been easy. She came to him months ago because she could no
longer live without telling him the truth. What truth, wonders Stiff.

WHO'S THE MOST MISMATCHED COUPLE?:
Hawk and Alex are breathless and Hawk declares their kiss is the real
thing. Hawk wants Queenie to marry him. Enter Buzz and Reva calling
Hawk and Alex the love birds. Hawk tells Reva that "Queenie and me
have got issues, least that's what Oprah calls them." Buzz recommends
elopement to Santo D. Al tells them, "Don't worry, you two. Your
special rep as the most mismatched couple will remain intact because
I've decided to break my engagement to Hawk. Ha! Your Father and I
are finished." Exit Alex. [I wonder what would have happened if Beva
hadn't come back just at that moment. Would Alex have been swept along
my Hawk's ardor?] Rev sees Hawk really does care about Alex. Hawk goes 
upstairs to lick his wounds. 
Reva: "Alexandra Spaulding has broken my Daddy's heart."
Buzz: "Her brother is breaking my back."
Reva: "I've had it with the Spaudlings. I'm tired of them using people
      up like human paper shredders, especially our families."
Reva declares that she'll stop them no matter how low down and dirty it
gets. Hawk returns, saying "You mean that, Sister?" Hawk declares that
he's been used, abused and excused and he doesn't like it one dang bit.
He's got a surefired way to ruin "them rich folks." He tells them that
the Spauldings are sitting on a secret, a dirty, disgusting and depraved
secret and he knows what it is. A sly grin crosses his face.

THE SPAULDINGS DISCUSS THE SECRET:
Alan tells Mandy that she doesn't disgust him--she's a Spaulding and
always will be. Mandy wants more. She claims Alan shows LAME's dog
more affection than he shows her. [BTW, where is poor Faith? Hasn't
been mentioned since Lucy lamely used it in her note to AM while 
being held captive by Maribrent]  Mandy says that whenever it is 
anything but business, Alan can't hide his contempt. Alan can't look
at her. Alan tells her she is "paranoid" [Wasn't this discredited 
when Alan told Buzz he was paranoid to think he was behind AS, Inc.
What is Alan's definition of paranoia anyway?]  Mandy just wants to
be loved like AM and Phil. Alan says he gave her his stock, made her
a partner, what more does she want? She wants him to forgive her for
Malibu, to love her in spite of her mistakes. Al doesn't want to hear
the word Malibu again. Mandy gets down on her knees begging for
forgiveness. Al tells her she is humiliating herself--Spauldings don't
grovel, and he never wants to see such a display in this house again.
Mandy thinks she should move out, "it's really up to you, Father."

LAUREL FALLS:
Di wants Rog to leave after he sees everything is the same as they
left it, but Roger insists on digging up the grave. "I saw my son
at WSPR less than an hour ago. If he's in that grave, then I'm crazy."
After ads, we see Rog plying the shovel. He is devastated to feel
the body in the grave again. Di tells him either he saw a ghost or
his mind is playing tricks. Di smirks to herself, "Ooh, we've got
this down to a science."

SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS:
Nola informs Quint she's gotten on with her life. She is dating.
Quint says Jessica didn't come with him. He admits bringing her to
Henry's funeral was a mistake and hopes he can make it up to Jnodot. 
Quint wants Nola's help but she has a date tonight like every night.
When Quint wonders who's the lucky guy, Nola tells him "it's none
of your damn business." Quint apologizes and says he'll see her 
around. "Maybe not," replies Nola.

THE DOOR IS GETTING HEAVY:
Gilly returns and stands outside Stiff's door. Viv tries to tell 
him the truth but he isn't buying it. He tells Viv to go and this time
to stay gone. It is too late, and it's already ended. He opens the
door, and is surprised to see Gilly. He tells Viv "the door is 
getting heavy." Gilly wants to do the honors, and Viv is ejected. 
Gilly tells Stiff she has returned to apologize for her mother, but
Stiff thinks she is not her mother's keeper. She was worried about
him, and wants him to know she cares about him. Viv is hovering 
outside, and finally leaves.

DYSFUNCTIONAL MANSION:
Al thinks that moving out would be a waste of time and energy. Mandy
says the question is whether he wants her to stay. Al doesn't want
her to leave, but he insists she never speak of Malibu again. Mandy
wonders if this means forgiveness. Alan is still facing away from her
as he declares this is a regrettable incident in her life which is over
and done with. "Do you understand?" Mandy does. Alan declares the 
matter closed, hopefully forever.

THE WIRY HAIRED WILDEBEESTE:
Buzz and Rev are all ears. Hawk says its concerns that "wiry haired
wildebeeste Amanda." He and Queenie found out how "Maty Hairy" earned
her living. Ms. Amanda Spaulding, aka as Mandy Harper, was the Malibu
Madame. "Not only did she hitch up fillies to fellas, she had stallions
in her stable for any woman who might want to ride." Rev just can't
believe Mandy was a pimp. Hawk claims he is as sure "as eagles have
nested in Madame S's hair." Buzz and Reva exclaim that they've gottem
dead to rights, yeah!

WE START DIGGING TOMORROW:
Rog is obsessing while Di tries to get him to leave. He is tired of
Di's discussing the murder. Di tells him to take a final look--they
aren't coming back. Enter Quint. "Can't you two read? There's no
trespassing here." Quint recognizes Dinah. Di introduces him to Rog
[Like Q. didn't notice the scene Rog made at Henry's funeral, right!]
Quint informs them that this is the site of his next dig--the largest
Native American site to be excavated [He's never heard of Cakohia
Mounds in Illinois?] They start digging tomorrow. Freeze frame on 
Roginah's chagrined expressions.

ENDE

WRITER: PETE T. RICH   (BRAVO--like we couldn't guess!)
DIRECTOR:JO ANNE SEDWICK
     *
    /|\
   /-O-\           Margaret Snyder
  /\ | /\          Hoover Institution
 o=======o         Stanford University
  | G L |          Palo Alto, CA
  | u i |          (Hometown of Charles Jay Hammer,
  | i g |           a.k.a Fletcher Reade)
  | d h |
  | i t |          email:msnyder@leland.stanford.edu
  | n   |
  | g   |


