From: Margaret McClintock Snyder <esnyder@leland.Stanford.EDU>

GUIDING LIGHT TOO BAD IT'S MONDAY
 (OR TUESDAY) UPDATE FOR 4/14/97
               0R
STARCROSSED LOVERS DAY IN SF USA
  
TBIMOT HIGH (OR LOW) LIGHTS:
ALAN gains a conscience and worries 
  about ANNIEREXIC's triumphal gloating
JOSH gains a brain and queries REVA
  about her pact with GOD
BUZNA cover up and try to outwit JEFFREY
VANVENT gains a therapist and a puter
MATT bonds with LIL'BILL and finds the
   poetry chat room

Let the Show Begin

LOWHAD LR :
Annirexic is running thru the house munching
on something, and opens the door to Alan. He
explains he just returned from a long trip
and wonders why the 17 messages. Is Annie in
trouble? A gleeful PsychoAnnie declares that
they have done it; Reva thinks Annie is her
sister.

MOD-REVABEND :
Josh declares that he knows about Reva's sister,
much to her consternation. Why didn't Reva 
tell him?

SF PD :
Frankie is telling an impatient Jeffrey that 
he has found all the necessary paperwork to
transfer Jenna's custody. Jeff glowers about
the possibility that Ferdie could be giving
him the runaround. Frank retorts that he 
doesn't much like a guy that kidnaps Jenna's 
son. Jeffrey thinks that he did it without a
warrant; he could lose his job for that. Eleni
enters the room with a box of food, and looks
troubled to hear this convo.

REGENCY : JEFF'S SUITE :
We see clothes scattered in front of a couch,
and hear sweet nothings being murmured by
Buzna. There is a knock at the door: Terry
the guard wants in. They come up nekkid on the
floor. Jenna tries to brush Terry off but he
isn't buying. If she doesn't open up, he'll use
his key.

INSTA-TWIRL

Jenna opens the door wrapped in a towel. She
embarrasses Terry by dropping said towel and
threatening to tell Jeffrey that he has come
on to her. Terry vamooses. Buzna goes out on
the balcony (semiclothed). Buzz vows he is not 
going to leave without Jenna and little Coop.

++++THIS PORTION OF GUIDING LIGHT IS BROUGHT
TO YOU BY PANTENE PRO-V SHAMPOO AND TREATMENT/
CONDITIONER. FOR HAIR SO HEALTHY THAT IT SHINES ++++

JEVA DISCUSS TRUST :
Josh wants to know all about Reva's sister. He
was in on the search, and it is important to
him. They have to learn to trust one another
again. Reva brandishes the piece of trash Josh
has retrieved, saying trash trolling is hardly
a step in the right direction. Josh impassionedly
tells Reva that she is part of him; he needs to
know all of her hopes, dreams and fears. [This
sounds a bit too much like LOWHAD to me].

TIPTOE THRU THE TULIPS :
Alan and Annie are sharing a cuppa. She recaps
the line she had to walk in convincing Reva 
that she didn't have a clue about why she was
throwing in the towel with Josh. Annie rapsodizes
about how everything is perfect now--Josh  will
be hers forever. Reva was split just like a rail.
[Shades of Ol' Abe here--an interesting turn of
phrase]. Reva was so guilty, she confessed
everything. A subdued Alan points out it was 
everything as she knows it. Annie crows about
how well the cameo scam worked. She made Reva
promise never to tell Josh either. "I was 
_so_ good." Alan does not seem to thrilled,
so Annie points out that her "helper of all
helpers" gets something out of this too--
revenge on the troublesome Reva Shayne. Alan
says he doesn't think he will be doing much
gloating. Maybe a smile, coaxes the clueless
PsychoAnnie. Alan tells her maybe she should
not be so pleased either. This may end up being
the greatest mistake of her life. PA does a bug-
eyes, and asks Alan it that voice: "You're not
going to give my secret away are you?" [I'd
love to see her try to jerk Alan around the way
she did Blake, and still does poor Fran!]

DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO PODUNK USA? :
Buzna finishes dressing hurridly. Ole Terry
knocks, wanting to use the bathroom, but
Jenna refuses, so he goes downstairs imploring
her not to rat to Mr. Morgan. Buzz wants to
escape under the cover of darkness. Jenna says
she can't just sneak out of town. She can hardly
blend into the background; they would notice a
lady with a Brit accent in Podunk, Iowa. Buzz
helpfully points out that only Mass. and Conn.
have Podunks. Jenna tells Buzz that Jeff needs
her sig and prints to access their Swiss bank
account. Buzz crows that is the solution: she
should offer Jeffrey all the moola!

COP SHOP :
Eleni quizzes Frank on his police procedure: did
he really toss Jeff's pad w/o a warrant? Ferdie
tries to change the subject to Jeff's threats.
Eleni decides to hang around and eat with her
hubby. Frank gives Jeff the forms. He checks out
the terms: He has custody of his wife, and Buzz
Cooper now has no standing. Frank coldly agrees.
Throwing in a final threat, Jeffrey says "You
have a very beautiful wife, Lt." [You should
have seen Melina, Jeff. She'd make you forget
Jenna in a trice]. Jeff slaunters out. Eleni
observes that he is scary, but in what I hope
is not foreshadowing, our cop assures her she
has nothing to worry about.

CHAMBERLAIN/REARDON HOUSE :
Matt is at the computer, muttering to himself,
"I must be crazy. What do I do?" Little Bill
enters [what a hunk he is now] asking if he
can help. He informs Matt that he has talked
with his Dad, and now wants to move in with Matt.
Matt doesn't want him here on these terms.

VANVENT :
Van is reading in bed, looking over at her computer.
A new guy (dark blond longish hair, hazel eyes, less
angelic than you-know-who, with a smirk on his face)
enters. Van tells him the housekeeper has already been
there. The guy observes that it looks like she left 
a big lump in the middle of the bed. Van asks him who
the hell he thinks he is, and we learn that he is
Michael Burke, Physical Therapist. [Hopefully, he is
saner than PsychoPTAnnie or DiegoUmberto on ATWT]. 
He tells Van that they are going to have to start 
working on her, starting with her grip. It is Drs.
orders--she has been making great progress. He warns
her that people call his brand of PT Michael's shop
of horrors. Is Van up for it? Van wonders if he is
trying to scare her. She gets her dander up as Michael
plans, and he gets her out of bed for the first time
in six months. 

A KINDER GENTLER ALAN :
PsychoAnnie is getting hysterical. Alan says likes
her too much to give away her secret. His trip has led
to the revelation that he probably is no better than
his sister Alex [Right on, so bring her back ASAP]. 
Secrets and lies tend to come back to haunt. Annie
thinks the ends justify the means. Alan warns her that
if she becomes a player in the game of vengence she
can become a victim. It can have consequences you can't
expect. PA claims that she did all this out of love not
for vengence. Annie repeats again that she has everything
she ever wanted. They pledge mutual admiration, and Alan
lets himself out.

JEVA CONVO PT. 2 :
Reva recounts Dani's terrible life: rotten childhood,
drugs, abuse, etc. [This is such b.s. Except for the fact
that the first couple sold her, Reva knows perfectly well
that Dani was rich until she was a teenager and left of
her own accord for whatever reason]. Josh pleads with Reva;
if Dani is in trouble they can help her. He will care for
her as if she is a member of his own family [GROAN]. Reva
declares that Dani is DEAD.

HALFTIME

NEVER SAY NEVER :
Josh tells Reva how sorry he is that her search ended this
way, but he doesn't understand why Dani's life or death
should affect them in this way. Josh says he won't give up.
The most important thing to Sarah was that Jeva should be
together. She should follow her heart; they belong together
always. Reva tries to brush him off, and refuses to look
at him. What she wants doesn't really matter. She has made
promises to Momma and to God. Josh says Hawk filled him in
on how she said she was going to be a good little girl. Reva
declares she will not be selfish and break up his marriage.
The kids shouldn't have to live thru another broken home. 
Josh isn't buying this. What is Reva leaving out?

MONEY MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND :
Jenna is reluctant to give up her stash. Buzz points out
that it is filthy, ill-gotten lucre. If she gives it to Jeff,
she can gain her freedom. Jenna revisits her begging
childhood on the streets of London. She wants better for
Coop. Buzz says he knows about poor. Lucy grew up in the
back seat of a car, but if a kid grows up knowing he's loved,
he's got it made, money or no. Jenna isn't buying this. Buzz
is adamant. If Coop has parents together, that is everything.
The three of them will be one big love fest. She has a choice:
love or money.

ON THE SEVENTH DAY, SHE RESTS :
Van (now in her wheelchair) is doing hand exercises with Michael.
He is urging her to push, but she thinks she can't. She accuses
him of having a sadistic sense of humor. They banter. He wonders
if she hates him yet; she is getting there. Michael says they
will be on a regular schedule: 6 days a week, twice a day.
Van wonders what happened to the 7th day, but Michael tells
her even God rested then, and after all, look where they are...
Van wonders why she bothered to ask. She asks him to wheel her
to her new toy (puter not boy). It is on a desk with a globe;
appropriately Van notes that there is a whole world in there, 
and she can't wait to explore it. Michael exits.

MATT/BILL HEART-TO-HEART :
Bill wonders why Matt has changed his mind. Matt says his Mom
wouldn't have wanted him back on these terms, so Matt doesn't 
either. Bill tells him that he knows that his Grandpa's watch
wasn't a bribe. He has just been walking around so mad for 
months, and the house just reminds him too much of his Mom.
The guys talk about how spooky it is that Van seems so close--
as though she could reappear at any minute. Matt says it isn't
just the house. Van is anywhere that they feel close to her.
Bill shouldn't be afraid to come back. Van will always be close
for both of them.

LUV YA, PETULA :
Jenna checks again that Buzz expects her to give up everything.
Monetarily speaking, he does. Jen laments the loss of nannies,
private schools, and European travel. Buzz defends public
education [this may confuse the Brit]. Jenna says he is asking
a lot, but he is worth it. They smooch. [Terry's potty break
sure is taking a long time]. Buzz wants to go tell Jeff he's
in the money, but Jenna is more cautious. Jeff still might not
go for it. Buzz thinks Jeff is too smart to want to keep a woman
who doesn't love him. [Buzz, old boy, this is a soap. Haven't
you seen Annie in action lately?] Jeff may be greedy, selfish
and hard, but he is practical--he'll go for the green. Jenna
thinks it will go better if she talks to him alone. Buzz kisses
her, and tells Petula he luvs her. We hear Jeff in the hall,
asking what is going on [I guess Terry was back, after all].
Buzz runs for the french doors, and goes out on the balcony.

LOWHAD SPAWNFEST :
PsychoAnnie is regaling the Lewis/Shayne spawnlings with a bedtime
story. "Once upon a time there was a handsome prince who lived in
the land of carousels and he had 2 beautiful children ..." What
do you know, the kids were unhappy because a wicked witch lived
in the village under a rock and wanted to marry their daddy. All
they could do was boo hoo, which summoned the beautiful golden-
haired princess. She ran lickedy split to the village where the
witch tried to keep her out. She had a magic cameo which she
waved at the witch poof... Ole Shayne is buying the whole thing,
and asks then what. PA gets the spawn to recite the ending with
her: "And the prince and princess lived happily ever after." 
What a nice story, remarks the *itch herself, and the spawn eat
it up with a spoon.

HIDE AND SEEK :
Josh again asks Reva what she is hiding. Reva cites her promise
the the big guy upstairs. Josh thinks God is good, and he put
them on the earth with their always love so they could be happy.
Why is Rev trying to shut the door on their love? Rev asserts
that she is trying to do what's right. Jeva music swells. Josh
wonders if she thinks that it was a mistake that they found 
each other again. Is this just a big cosmic joke? If she 
repudiates their love, she will be living a lie. The right 
thing is for their kids to grow up with their natural parents.
Rev begs him to stop. If Josh keeps pushing her, she'll have
to leave Springfield. All that is left in her life is her kids;
Josh can't take that away too. Josh begs her to let him help.
He loves her. He'll do anything but walk away. Reva says that
it is the only thing she wants.

VANVENT VERSE :
Van is at the laptop. "Oh my goodness, so that's what they
mean when they talk about chat rooms." She finds the poetry
room. Using a voice activated device, she enters: "Oh Matt,
remember when we used to read poetry to each other in bed?"

CUT TO MATT :
Bill is instructing Matt on the use of the computer. He tells
him to use a screen name when he chats. They end up in the
[surprise] poetry chat room. Looks like pixs of Shakespeare
and Poe. Matt protests that he doesn't want to be in the 
poetry room, but Bill says it's just a test. He goes off to
find an instruction book about other sites. Matt will make
sandwiches, and Bill can help translate this into English.
[They are acting like Matt is an old guy totally clueless].
As he starts to leave, Van's note comes up. He doesn't notice.
We see a message, "Disconnecting from Internet."

JUST SAY NO :
Jeff wonders how Jenna's evening was. She claims she was 
about to take a bath, and Jeff says Terry told him she already
did. Jenna tells Jeff she has decided to give him what he wants.
Jeff thinks she means back in his arms. Jen says she will give
him all the moola in exchange for her freedom. He is far too
caring a man to want a woman held against her will. Jeff is
ticked. He isn't going to let her be with that man, Buzzcooper.
Jenna says if he doesn't take this deal, he'll end up with
nothing. Jeff sneers. Does she really think he needs her
sig or prints? He has made a separate arrangement with the bank
which only needs his signature. [This seems very convenient.
Maybe Jenna should check this out with the bank for herself].
Jeff says she has no bargaining power. He is not going to let
her go.

THIS IS THE LAST CONVO ON THIS SUBJECT NOT :
Reva tells Josh she is sorry she's hurt him, but she wants
a life that does not include him. If he doesn't back off, she
will leave SF for good. This is their last convo on the subject
[the writers really know how to torture their viewers, don't
they? I love Josh and Reva, but this repetitive dialog is 
wearing very thin. Just ship Annierexic to Midland Hills and
be done with it!]  Reva hopes Josh doesn't bring it up again
for all their sakes. As the Jeva music swells, Josh picks up
his coat and leaves. Reva, teary eyed but not weepy, hands
crossed over her bosom, does a modified GapAnnie in a very
unexciting last scene.

FINITO

Tell us what you think ... I think 8 bucks is too much to 
  spend on a call to TPTB, especially when Roach ignores  
  what we say, and looks for the "subtext"

Shoes by: Kenneth Cole

No credits

Is it just my imagination, or does the guy in the Imodium A-D
ad look like the wimpy administrator that Dr. Rick decked?

See you in 3 weeks.

     *
    /|\
   /-O-\           Margaret Snyder
  /\ | /\          Hoover Institution
 o=======o         Stanford University
  | G L |          Palo Alto, CA
  | u i |          (Hometown of Charles Jay Hammer,
  | i g |           a.k.a Fletcher Reade)
  | d h |
  | i t |          email:msnyder@leland.stanford.edu
  | n   |
  | g   |




