From: Margaret McClintock Snyder <esnyder@leland.Stanford.EDU>

GUIDING LIGHT TOO BAD IT'S MONDAY
(OR TUESDAY) UPDATE FOR  4/8/96
              0R
  PROUD PAPA DAY IN S'FIELD

TBIMOT HIGH (OR LOW) LIGHTS:
FATHER ALAN and MANDY plan their revenge
HAWK and ALEX smooch once more with feeling
DADDY FLETCH coos over BABY RED
REVA jabs with VAN about the PRECIOUS LOWHAD II wedding
ABBY is insulted by MANDY and hired by ALAN
DR. PRICK thinks his piggies hit a home run
BLAKE is forced to deal with both perspective
 proud-papas-to-be when ROSS returns from his trip

Let the Show Begin

Revabent:
We hear Hawk asking "Ready for seconds?"  We see a discarded pair of high
heels.  Alex answers maybe. Hawk, dressed in jammies and robe, is pouring
coffee and telling Al how happy he is they are meeting in his humble abode.
Alex, who is totally wrapped in a blanket, corrects him: the house belongs to
Alan and he is sponging off his daughter. She is there to plot how to do in
Amanda. Hawk offers Al sugar, and moves in for a kiss. She springs up,
revealing that she is completely dressed in a suit and gold earrings under
the blanket.  She tells Hawk to put his hormones on hold.  Hawk wonders
why she is still after "Matty Hairy"--after all they got her to give up the VP
spot and danged near busted her heart. Al thinks it would take dynamite
to break "that creature's" heart.  Hawk thinks they should just tell Alan that
she is the Malibu madame but Alex doesn't want to be that obvious.
Alex: "Hawk, we cannot be caught."
Your cue, Reva. In she comes, telling Alex that it seems to be a little late
for that. Hawk and Alex share a sickly smile.

Spaulding Mansion:
Maps and screwed up papers are strewn throughout the study. Cut to Alan
who chides Mandy for staring at him.  Amandaconda is wearing a totally
unflattering Chinese style black dress which is very tight and covered with
big pink and white flowers. She tells her Father that she can't help it; he is
so manly and she can't get over his genius. Alan suggests she switch to
decaf.  Mandy declares that his plan to annihilate Buzz Cooper is brilliant
and Reva will have to watch her new husband crumble like stale wedding
cake. She thinks it is great they won't know who did it, but Al says he is
going to reveal his plan in due time. Mandy logically says that Reva will
really hate Alan then, to which he replies, "Maybe yes, maybe no."

Cedars: Neonatal Intensive Care Unit:
Fletch is looking at Meg and exclaiming over her eyes, fingers and first yawn.
Ed comes in and tells him the baby is the hit of the NICU. Fletch declares
that she is "special because she is so special" [thereby continuing one of my
pet peeves: the total perversion of the word special. I got an Easter card
from my Mom to a "special daughter and son-in-law" which seemed sort of odd
considering its general usage these days]. Fletch wants to know about the
cardiac thing. After he and Holly have come so far, they can't lose Meg now.
Ed tries to get Fletch to take a break, but he won't leave her side until
he knows she is here to stay.

Cedars: Dr. Sedgwick's Office:
Brick are going at it in the conveniently deserted office  [doesn't Rick
have his own office?]. Rick wants to know what about the baby, or should
he say "our baby?" Blake says he just wants to play another scene of "Dr.
Rick Studmeister." Rick declares that Blake can't duck the truth: she is
having his baby. Blake insists she isn't pregnant by Ross, or Rick or
space aliens. Rick picks up her test results and waves them around. He
declares, "You're pregnant, I'm the father, Ross is the husband. Unless
you want to live in a French farce, what to you suggest we do about it?"
Blake gives him the evil eye.

TWIRL LIGHTHOUSE

Round Two: BRICK
This whole scene is so great I am going to quote it, so the quote marks
are understood.
Blake: You took a look at my medical records. That is unethical, immoral
and sneaky.
Rick: Keeping secrets from the man you made love with ...
Blake: We didn't make love, we made a mistake.
Rick: We made a baby.
Blake: We did no such thing.
Rick: We had unprotected sex.
Blake: One night, once and you're Gene Wilder up on a mountain in a
thunderstorm screaming life, I've created life. You need serious help.
Rick: You need a reality check.  Where do we go from here?
Blake: I plan on suing Dr. Sedgwick for keeping ...
Rick: Stop it. This is serious. We've got to do something about this.
Blake: OK, I'm pregnant. I admit it. You don't have to do anything about
it because you aren't the father. Ross and I have a very active sex life.
We've been trying to have a baby for a long time. Our prayers have been
answered. I'm pregnant with Ross' baby not yours.

NICU:
Fletch declares that Baby Red just got here, and he isn't leaving her
side. Ed tells him that it is the best neonatal unit in the state, but
Fletch is worried about her waking up  with no one there. Machines can't
hold her or tell her she's beautiful or pat her on the head. That's his
job and even if she doesn't understand the words she will feel the
love. Fletch asks again about the surgery, and Ed suggests they find
the cardiologist.

Who's Calling at the Mansion?:
Alan thinks this project will prove wrong those who think he's a
has-been. The door bell rings, and since Nettie is AWOL, Alan sends
Mandy to the door. Abigail is there and wants to see Alan. Mandy brushes
her off very rudely. When Alan wants to know who it was, she describes
Abby as a deaf girl with her hand out for money. Alan makes Mandy chase
after her.

'Splaining at Revabent:
Reva declares: "Somebody's got some 'splaining to do!" Hawk and Queenie try to
give the impression they are romantically involved. Reva doesn't really
buy it, but Al reminds her of recent gossip. Reva says, "I've also heard
Elvis was spotted at the Riverama in Clayton but that doesn't mean I've
got to believe it." Hawk proclaims Queenie his "royal goodtime gal" and Al
calls him "her hunka-hunka lovin" man." Words fail Alex when she tries to
describe what Hawk gives her.  Hawk wonders if it is so hard to imagine he
could land a gal like Alex, and Rev thinks impossible sums it up better.
Hawk: "The proof is in the pudding. Come here puddin'."
They smooch. Rev wonders what this means for her Mama. Hawk doesn't want
her to hurt Sarah anymore than he already has. He persuades Reva to let him
handle it. Reva agrees. She already has plenty on her plate. Hawk goes
upstairs to get dressed, and falls to his knees, kisses Al's hands and
tells her: "parting is such sweet sorghum." The two ladies fall to
sniping, and agree that both of their romances seem a bit
unbelievable. Reva goes to change her clothes. Al wants her to give Buzz
her love.

Wheels-on-Meals Diner:
Matt and Van are sharing the same side of a booth. Van is musing over
Rev ending up with Buzz after being with Josh and Alan. Van just can't
see her slaving in a diner. Matt thinks she should give it a rest; after
all the LOWHAD family is happy. Matt's beeper goes off. He leaves to
supervise sheet rocking. The housing project is almost done, and Matt is
very proud.  They talk about the special: he calls it 2 for 1, she calls
it 2 for the price of 1. Matt thinks with the project filling up, it
may be good news for the diner. Buzz is cutting an onion. Van sits down
at the counter. She starts pumping Buzz for info. She wonders if they
are going to have a kid menu, and works that into asking if he and Reva
are going to have kids.

Round 3 : All the way home:
BRICK is still jousting in Dr. Sedgwick's office. Another verbatim transcript:
[And I compared notes with Dave Doody who did it first]:
Rick: I don't think Ross is the father of this child.
Blake: Oh you don't, do you?
Rick: No, I don't.
Blake: Well, what you think or don't think is irrelevant as far as my
husband and I are concerned. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to check
on my mother and see how she is doing.
Rick: Your mother is sedated Blake.
Blake: Well then, fine, I'll check on my baby sister.
Rick: Your sister is in NICU, and I don't think you can see her right now.
Blake: Then I'll go and get something to drink.
Rick: You had something to drink.
Blake: Rick, stop it.
Rick: Hear me out. Just for a minute. Please?
Blake: Make it fast.
Rick: You and Ross tried to get pregnant for months. Nothing happened. We
spend one night together and suddenly you're pregnant. And you think that's
a coincidence? I don't think so. I think my little piggies ran all the way
home!
Blake: Your little piggies? Oh, this is your ego talking. You think you're so
potent you scored the first time out of the gate?
Rick: If you think that's impossible, why did you lie about being pregnant?
Blake: Because I haven't had a chance to tell Ross that he's going to be a
daddy.
Rick: You know I'm the father, Blake, and you just don't want to admit it.
Blake: There's nothing to admit. This is between my husband and me. Just
because we had sex once by accident doesn't give you first dibs on my private
life.
Rick: I have the right to know the truth.
Blake: No, all you have is an over inflated ego.
Rick: The size of my ego didn't get you pregnant.
Blake (she is totally furious): Oh, you assume because you are younger than
Ross and haven't had sex in who knows how long, that you're some storehouse
of manhood waiting to be unleashed on my ovaries?
Rick: Oh please don't stop now. You're making my case for me. How long has
it been since Ross made a baby? 20 years?
Blake: So what?
Rick: So? One night of loving--bam! There's a Bauer in the oven!
Blake: Obviously you didn't get past the test results.
Rick: What difference does that make?
Blake: This, Mr. Sure-Fire. Ross and I took fertility tests a few months ago.
We both checked A-OK. Ross is way above average, so he has as much
ammunition as you do Buster, and he's been at the firing range a lot more
often!  So get over it, Secretariat. This isn't your pony.
Your cue, Ross. In he comes, smiling delightedly. "There's my girl." They hug
and kiss as Rick turns away.

HALF-TIME

Going to the Mansion:
Mandy drags Abbie in, telling Alan how difficult it was to get her
attention since the poor thing couldn't hear her calling. Alan and Abby
hug. Mandy is forced to apologize for calling her a poor thing, and does
so yelling at the top of her lungs. Abby uses her voice, and Alan is
delighted. He sends Mandy off for pastries. Alan thinks she looks
beautiful. She thinks his house looks like a castle in a fairy tale. Alan
wonders if she misses her family. She sees them on the weekends
sometimes. She wonders if he misses Goshen. He does, he claims it changed
his life. Abby tells him how sorry she is he didn't marry Reva.

It's too, too Precious:
Buzz tells Van she'll have to ask the little woman about having bambini. Reva
shows up, and Van says they were just talking about her.  Rev says she
ranks right up there with the weather. Buzz tells her about Van's query,
and Rev suggests she and Matt give it a shot first and see how it goes.
[Oh great, all we need is an epidemic of DS babies!]  Buzz vamooses.
Van apologizes for not congratulating her on her marriage to Buzz.
Rev understands, she was busy arranging the LOWHAD rematch.
Van claims they were the ones that were really eager, and tells her all
about the shindig and the family vows.  To that Rev has a succinct comment:
PRECIOUS. [Finally she said what most of us have been thinking !]
Van tells her about Marah's dress with the blue trim. When Rev tells
her it was purple, Van accuses her of being there. Rev claims Marah
told her before the wedding.  Reva claims she has no more time to
"chat." Van again accuses her of being at the wedding.

BRICK meets BLOSS:
Ross tells Blake and Rick that he has just gotten back. He was a little
worried when he couldn't find Fletch or Blake. Blake fills him in
on the situation. She tells Ross they are waiting for the cardiologist.
Ross wants to know what the baby's chances are. Rick thinks they
are very good if the surgery is successful. [Duh--thanks for the medical
insight Dr. Bauer]. Ross thanks Rick for taking care of Blake again and
tries to invite him out for a bite. Rick begs off. He promises to let
them know about the baby. Ross tells Blake sometimes he gets the feeling
she doesn't appreciate everything that Rick does for them. "Whenever you
have a problem he seems to be right on top of it." He sees Blake's
medical report on the desk, and wonders if she is all right.

Taster's Choice:
Ding Dong. Our heroine is getting ready to go out. She yells that
the door is open. Her ex enters. She puts on perfume while he
looks around. She comes out and is very surprised to see him.
She: I'm going out.
He: I can see that.  Do we have time for coffee?
She: What?
He: Taster's Choice.
They are sitting on the couch chatting. Her beau approaches in a
tux. He rings the bell. They both turn around with surprised looks.

BLOSS : or I'm so dumb--maybe the dumbest guy since Joseph:
Blake tells Ross not to be such a  worrywart, she's never been better.
Ross sarcastically wonders if her file is on the desk because
Margaret is behind in filing. Blake claims she had an appointment
scheduled, but her mom went into labor. It was a normal, regular
appointment. Ross is relieved, since having babies has been a bit
of a problem. Ross assures her that she can talk to him about
anything. Blake tells him how sweet he is. Ross says that he
had to learn the hard way by almost losing her that as long as they
are honest with each other nothing can get in their way--but of
course she knew that.

Proud Papa in NICU:
Fletch is looking at the pix of the baby's heart while Ed and the
cardiologist look on. The specialist tells him that the defect is
of the atrial ventricular canal. It is not uncommon with Downs;
many babies have this surgery and do well. The problem is
with the hole's location: the blood is backing into the right
side of the heart. This can possibly lead to injury to the
conduction system during surgery that would necessitate
a pacemaker. Fletch thinks this is sounding more risky by
the minute. He wonders what would happen if the baby
didn't have the surgery. They tell him he has no choice.
The baby is in congestive heart failure. They need to
consult with the pediatric cardiovascular surgeon and
set up the operating room.  Fletch explodes, "My baby
will die unless she has an operation with no guarantees.
Isn't it enough that she is the way she is without having
to go though all this crap? It's not fair, it's just not fair."
Ed tells him the only decision to be made is when to do
the surgery. Fletch goes to the baby, who is very big,
with rosy cheeks and toes and definitely not in
congestive heart failure.  He is gaga. He tells the baby
that the next few days will be hard--she must have an
operation and it will hurt--but she must hold on. Mommy
and Daddy will love her like no little girl has ever been
loved in the whole wide world so she must hold on
for dear life.

What a tangled web:
Alan is on the phone with Chet. We see a paper labeled
Advantage Systems [the initials just happen to be AS]
He tells Abby to eat the pastries. He and Mandy have
a convo. He tells her the word is out--AS has replaced
Lewis Construction in the 5th Street Project. Mandy
wishes she could see Matt Reardon's face when he finds
out the work he has put his heart and soul into is all for
naught. Alan is curious about the deal with Matt, but
Mandy blows him off. She is sorry for Josh, but Alan
says he has his family fortune to fall back on. Mandy
chimes in, "Unlike Buzz who has nothing and will soon
have even less." Alan hopes the cockroach chokes on
his baklava. They agree that encirclement is lots more
fun than a direct hit.
Abby breaks in and tells Alan she is looking for a job. Mandy
condescendingly inquires about her skills, and all Abby can
come up with is milking cows, baking bread and carding wool.
Mandy observes that it is unfortunate they don't live near
colonial Williamsburg. Alan chides her. Alan offers Abby a
job and wants her to come first thing in the morning. Mandy
thinks he's nuts: she can't type or answer phones and her
idea of shorthand is a farming accident. Alan thinks she
can file and run errands. Mandy is afraid that she will run
right to her good friend Reva, and tell her about their
plan.

Bad News about the 5th Street Project:
Reva tells Van that she and Marah discussed what she was wearing
at the carousel. Van doesn't believe her.  Matt returns declaring
the project is over--the 5th Street project is history. Buzz can't
imagine that they are done that quickly. Matt explains that Mr.
Warner who used to own the property where the complex is has
sold out. When he arrived on the site he was given a check for
the week's work. He has sold out to Advantage Systems: a real
estate development company in Orlando, Florida. Their
services are no longer needed since Lewis isn't set up for the
high end work they need. Buzz exclaims that the apartments
were for people who had lost everything in the fire. Matt
declares that AS is going to start from scratch. Buzz declares
that he is going to find out what that means. There is a fellow
with dark hair chatting on the phone in the diner. Could that
possibly be Chet?

Get a Grip, Queenie:
Queenie is expounding on her favorite topic: bringing down
Amanda without it coming back to "us." Hawk is gleeful
because she is saying "we's gonna do it together." Hawk
makes amorous advances and is rebuffed. Al proposes using
Reva which really gets Hawk in a huff. He tries to get Queenie
to apologize, and she does so half-heartedly. Queenie exits
and tells him not to call until he comes up with a plan to bring
Mandy down. Hawk picks up a forgotten glove and says he loves
a gal who plays hard to get. Outside, Alex is chiding herself,
"Get a grip, Alex. It felt good but it can't be, it just can't be."

Good News in the Bauer Kitchen:
Abby is reading the paper. Rick comes in. She tells him she
has some good news. Rick says he sure could use some. She
tells him she has a job  and will soon be more independent.
Rick doesn't want Abby to leave. She tells him that Alan
Spaulding hired her as soon as she told him she wanted to
work. Rick informs her that Alanspaulding can't be trusted.

Bughouse Mansion:
Alan tells Mandy that Abby is a special soul who understands
loyalty. Mandy thinks that she might tell Reva things
innocently. Alan says that they won't tell Abby the plan. Mandy
wonders if they are going to mumble to each other when she
is around. Alan declares that he made Abby a promise and he
intends to keep it. He tells her how good the Blooms were to
him and that Abby has the same trust in him. Alan wonders
where they should hit their enemies next?

Judge Not:
Rick and Abby spar over Alan. Abby tells Rick to "judge not lest ye
be judged." Rick says he isn't judging anyone, but Alan will hurt her
if he gets a chance. Rick tells her she is making a mistake but
Abby retorts that it wouldn't be the first time.  She flounces out. Rick
hangs his  head: "Is it just me, or has everyone around here gone
crazy?"

5th Street Gang vows to Fight:
Buzz is bashing stools. He thinks a rich mogul is going to turn it
into a parking lot or shopping center. Reva won't let them do that
since Shaynes fight until the last breath. Matt thinks it would be
easier if they knew who they were fighting. AS is a holding
company to front for its owners. Buzz vows that whoever is
calling the shots is going to be in for the fight of their lives.

As the Screw Turns:
Alan is thanking Chet for a job well done. The final screw is turning
that will make everyone at the diner wish they had stayed in bed.
Alan tells Amanda not to be surprised. Lesser men make threats,
he always delivers. Buzzcooper will regret the day that he turned
Reva against him. Mandy thinks that Alan must have loved Reva a
lot to want to hurt her so deeply.

Cedars : NICU:
Bloss are looking though the window at Meg. Blake thinks it is
like watching something sacred.
Fletch tells the baby he is going to check on Mommy, but he will
be back. They both will be back before the surgery. He tells
Meg to rest and get her strength up, and to know that Daddy and
Mommy love her very much. He waves bye-bye.  Ed touches
him gently on the arm.
Cut to Bloss. Ross thinks that this is the "most exquisite wonderful
gift." Blake notices that it really gets to him. Ross is overwhelmed
about how the baby had to fight to get into the world and now
she is going to have to fight very hard to stay there. Blake thinks
she is going to make it. Ross thinks she will since love can work
miracles; he cites their experience.
Blake: "Oh Ross, I can't do this to you. I have to tell you the truth."
Ross turns with a look of surprise. Freeze-frame on Bloss.

FINIS

No credits today.
     *
    /|\
   /-O-\           Margaret Snyder
  /\ | /\          Hoover Institution
 o=======o         Stanford University
  | G L |          Palo Alto, CA
  | u i |          (Hometown of Charles Jay Hammer,
  | i g |           a.k.a Fletcher Reade)
  | d h |
  | i t |          email:msnyder@leland.stanford.edu
  | n   |
  | g   |


