From: thing two <molaughl@lonestar.jpl.utsa.edu>

		Substitute Wednesday Update 2-7

			brought to you by
		"I Can't Believe It's Not an Update!"

well, Lucas' VCR went kaplooie, so he asked me to take over wednesday's 
update. those of you who watch ATWT and read my Friday updates know that 
I seem to operate with the basic principle that everyone is entitled to 
my opinion. those of you unfamiliar with my update style should be 
forewarned that this will be heavily editorialized. 

ALL IN THE FAMILY
At the Construction shack, Bridget angrily says she now knows why Hart 
couldn't spend time with Peter; he was too busy screwing his step-mom and 
his son's sister. Roger told her. Hart wonders what his old man is up to now.

CHEATIN' HEART ATTACK
At Ross' office, Roger tells Dinah that he still wants her, but she 
insists she's already made up her mind (and many us of are thinking, what 
mind?) Roger actually turns to Ross for help: Roger knows Ross has been 
desperate in love before. Tis true, Ross says, but not so for the Dodger. 
There's no way he'll let Roger stop this divorce. Roger begs Dinah that 
he'll do anything, even forgive her adultery. Ross asks his slut daughter 
what the hell Roger speaketh of. Dinah just looks guilty.

SOMEONE GET ME SOME INSULIN
Outside the Lighthouse, Frank tries to subdue Buzz while the SWAT team 
runs around aimlessly. Reva takes over for Frank so he can plan strategy 
with Levy. yeah, all rookies with 3 months experience are in charge of 
highly delicate manoevers. Levy gives a "shoot to kill" directive. Alan 
objects; they must get Brent talking if they are to save A-M and Lucy. 
Nell arrives with Cassie. She doubts she can help, but she's willing to 
try. Levy hands her a bullhorn...Inside the lighthouse, A-M threatens to 
make the bomb go off if Brent does not unhand his beloved. Brent will 
just have to shoot A-M then. A-M and Lucy exchange "I love yous" as A-M 
appears ready to take out the shows logo once and for all...cue 
will-they-ever-rebuild-that-damn-thing lighthouse...Pushing me officially 
into sugar shock, Lucy knows she an A-M will be together after death. 
Brent and I say in unison "Shut up!" The annoying couple takes this as a 
sign that Brent is afraid of dying alone. actually, he's probably afraid 
that Beetlejuice is true, and he'll spend eternity with them. personally, 
i'd opt for the sandworms. No one will miss him, Lucy says, because he 
wouldn't get help. Just because his mom hurt him doesn't give him the 
right to hurt others. "You don't know anything," Brent cries. Lucy does 
too understand. Others have gone through similar experiences and turned 
out ok because they were willing to work for it. A-M suddenly offers to 
get him help. oh great, now it's good cop, bad cop. No one else has to 
die. Everybody will be friends. "You'll really help me?" Brent says 
rather sweetly. Yep. He begins to put down his gun, but Cassie gets his 
attention with that handy bullhorn before he does.

LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON
Bridget says Hart can't blame Roger for this. He's just mad Roger told 
her the truth. And just why does he care if his pop's up to something 
since he's leaving town? Hart says it's better for everyone of he leaves. 
Jet doesn't think he's being altruistic. "And you say you're nothing like 
your father!" "That's a fact!" Jet says if he leaves his son, he'll be 
just as mean as Roger. Hart yells that she shoudl be happy; she and 
Vanessa can continue splitting Peter. Jet says that she couldn't blame 
him for not being there when he didn't know he had a son. But now he 
knows, and bucking his responsibility has Thorpe written all over it. 
Matt enters the shack. Jet insists she's fine, but Dinah's not so lucky.

NEXT ON JENNY JONES
Roger is just plum shocked that Dinah didn't tell dear old dad about her 
shall we say activities. Ross yells at him to leave. Dinah starts 
pouting: she really meant to tell him, but she just didn't think it was 
relevant. Ross firmly says she must tell him everything if he is to 
represent her. She explains that she was furoius when she found out her 
husband set up her best friend, and she up and left him imediately. She 
drove around and wound up at the Jessup farm. Hart found her there and... 
"You went to bed with your husband's son?" Ross interupts. "Dear God, 
Dinah." Roger, who's listening in, smiles. Dinah insists the affair was 
not cheap. Ross is bewildered: she boinked her stepson within 72 hours of 
leaving Roger, "With a story like that, you could do the talkshow circuit 
for a month!" Dinah insists she and Hart were kismet, totally simpatico. 
Ross reminds her she said the same things about Roger. Dinah points out 
it's real because they have common ground: Roger hurt them both. Line of 
the Day: "If everybody Roger hurt jumped into bed together, everything 
would have to stop for the world's biggest orgy!" Ross snaps. Roger 
shakes his head.

DON'T SAY GOODBYE, JUST SLAM THE DOOR
Bridget tells Matt about Hart and Dinah's meeting of the minds, which was 
just Hart's way of getting back at Roger. Hart accuses her of "not 
getting it." Jet takes offense: if true love entered the bedroom last 
night, Hart wouldn't be in such a hurry to take off. She's mad at herself 
for defending him. She's just glad she never told peter he was his 
father. Hart insists he would never hurt the tot. "You already have," Jet 
says. But she'll never let him do it again. He's seen Peter the last 
time. She storms out and then beats herself up: how could she let him do 
it to her again? Inside, Matt gives Hart his pay, but won't let him leave.

OTHER VOICES, OTHER ROOMS
Cassie asks Brent to go to thet window so she can see that he's okay. She 
can help him. He's paralyzed and whimpering. Unfortuenately, cassie says 
the exact wrong thing: he's doing a bad thing. This, of course, trigger's 
his mother's voice inside his head saying he;s bad and must be punished. 
A-M and Lucy look concerned as Brent loses it and begs his mother not to 
hurt him, as if they haven't seen this behavior a dozen or so times 
before. Brent grabs Lucy by her hair and drags her upstairs to the 
observation deck. what, you didn't really think we'd get out of this 
without an actual cliffhanger?...half-time...Brent and Lucy are up on the 
deck. A search light in trained on Brent. Brent screams,"No, Mother, No!"
A sniper is about to take a shot when Alan notices Lucy's presence, and 
grabs him. The bullet richochets near where Brent is standing. brent 
yells that he'll kill Lucy if they fire again. "Oh my God, my baby!" Buzz 
says. brent drops his bag full of alan's money. Lucy grabs it, and hits 
Brent in teh stomach with it, causing him to drop like a sack of 
potatoes. She then proceeds to toss the cash over the deck. A-M has 
meanwhile climbed up the stairs and tackles Brent. Alan tries to run 
inside, but Nick holds him back. A-M and Brent continue fighting, and the 
gun goes over the rail. Nell gets hit on the head by it and is knocked 
unconscious. not really, but it would have been a nice touch. Lucy jumps 
on Brent. On teh beach, Levy notices Frank has disappeared. Cut 
imediately to Frank inside the lighthouse. Nick follows. Back on the 
deck, A-M/Brent/Lucy continue fighting. A-M gets Brent by the neck and 
says, "Die, you bastard, die!"

WELL I APPRECIATED IT ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US
Dinah tells Ross she didn't appreciate his orgy-joke. If he can't stop 
being a controlling dad, she'll have to find another lawyer, as if there 
was another one in town. Ross apologizes. He just doesn't want her to 
trade Satan in for son of Satan. Dinah insists Hart loves her. 
BAHAHAHAHA. Ross is just asking her to take her time. He then gives her a 
form to sign that would rescind thte power of attorney she gave Roger. 
Roger barges in and begs Dinah not to take that first step toward 
divorce. She says he can't change her mind. She signs. Roger warns that 
Hart is not her future. He only slept with her to get back at him for 
believing Jenna when she said he hit on her. Dinah takes off to look for 
Hart. Ross tells Roger that this is now between the two of them.

TESTOSTERONE DAY CONTINUES
Hart wants to know what Matt's real beef is-- the fact Hart didn't fall 
for his sister or that he screwed his step-daughter? Matt says he loves 
Jet and Peter like he was his own. This prompts Hart to maturely whine 
"Mine mine mine!!!" Matt hated him before he knew who he was. "Maybe I 
just know garbage when I smell it." oooohhh. them's fightin' words. Hart 
accuses Matt of just being after Vanessa's money. that's it. Matt takes 
off his coat, ready to put up his dukes. David enters. Hart offers to 
take them both on. David's willing, but Matt asks him to instead check on 
Bridget. She finally saw Hart's true colors. David is truly sorry he'll 
miss the fight. cheesiest line of the day: "Leave me some leftovers." 
ROTFLMAO!!!! runner-up: "Ther won't be any."

YOU CALL THAT A CLIMAX?
A-M, Brent, and Lucy are still fighting. Brent falls off the deck, but 
A-M has a grip on him. Heart of Gold Lucy tells A-M to drop him, but A-M 
is just too darn nice. Brent begs, "I'll be your best friend." :). He 
cries that he's afraid. Frank and Nick finally arrive at the top and pull 
Brent up. A-M informs them of the bomb. Nick helps A-M and Lucy down the 
stairs. Frank cuffs Brent and feel him up. He's been waiting for this 
moment for a long time. He could throw Brent over the edge, claim he 
tried to run, and no one would ever know. Brent, who has been ordering 
from the Bruce Wayne Mail order catologue activates his batman belt and 
begins flying up. He kicks Frank, who goes off the deck. Frank lands on 
Marah the little troll who has yet again stolen away in the middle of the 
night and is wandering aimlessly. Both are killed instantly.

FAMILY REUNION
Reva, Alan, and Buzz yell miscelaneous concerns. Levy orders the bomb 
squad in. Lucy comes out. She and Buzz hug. She completely ignores Alan's 
questions about A-M's wellbeing. On cue, A-M emerges on Nick's arm. Alan 
grans him, causing great pain in his shot arm. Safe in the arms of love, 
A-M and Lucy kiss. A-M reports that Frank's got Brent. Everyone becomes 
alarmed that Frank did not follow the others out.

SUDDENLY IT'S AS THE WORLD TURNS
ACK. Dinah is outside the construction shack having flashbacks of 
boinking Hart while Roger's voiceover says it was only Hart's revenge. 
Inside, we revert to male-bonding. Matt normally wouldn't bust his 
knuckles on a think skull but he'll make an exception. Hart thinks matt 
should be ecstatic that Hart's leaving and Vanessa is safe. hart then 
guesses Matt is jealous because he's been lusting after Dinah. Dinah 
enters and begins to tell hart about her run-in with Roger until she 
notices Matt. Did she interupt something?

HOW PC
Bridget takes the trash and the *recycling* out at the Boarding House. 
She wistfully stares at the sky. Hart shows up. He couldn't leave things 
that way. He's been blind. He loves her. He went to get his one-way 
ticket outta there, but couldn't shake the image of her telling him to 
get out of her life. The truth is, he only came back to Springfield to 
see her. He knows she used to love him--Peter is proof. Can she honestly 
say she doesn't anymore? No, she can't. She still loves him. David wakes 
her from her delusion. He thinks she looks wiped out. Would she like to 
talk about it? She says he was right about Hart. He admits he's not upset 
Hart acted like a jerk. Jet is caught off guard and asks why. He covers 
the sudden fit of love (you know, the writers pretending they;ve actually 
been buildign a story for him) and says it's better she sees hart for 
what he is. She says she has to think only about what's best for Peter 
now. Hart never was, never will be. She offers to heat spaghetti for 
david. He looks introspective and says he'd like it.

GOIN' TO THE COURTHOSE AND WE'RE GONNA GET DEE-VORCED
Roger asks Ross to warn Dinah; Hart will hurt her. Ross wants Roger out 
of Dinah's life. Roger insists he loves her. Ross insists the only person 
he loves is himself. Ross then says he;s never liked divorces, but he's 
going to relish "every twist of the judicial knife" he can come up with 
for this one, he gleefully says. He'll celebrate every minute.

MORE LIKE NIGHTMARES
Matt tells Dinah that Hart is leaving town. "The new man of your dreams 
is blowing you off. It seems you've been had in more ways than one." 
Dinah stares daggers at Hart.

BUT ROGER WASN'T IN THE LIGHTHOUSE SCENES
Frank finally emerges with Brent. He tells Levy that he had to wrestle 
witht he devil. Levy tells him he did the right thing. Frank then reads 
Brent his rights as everyone stares. Is he willing tp answer questions? 
In Marion's voice, he says, "Yes, Officer Cooper, I am."

that's it. 

.........................................................megan o'laughlin
...........................................molaughl@lonestar.jpl.utsa.edu
" `you're a bitter man,' said candide. 'that's because i've lived,' said 
martin." -- voltaire.....................................................




